


Two Napoleons, one Waterloo

by Corvidology



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Chocolate Box Exchange, Costume Parties & Masquerades, First Time, M/M, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-24 21:05:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17711576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvidology/pseuds/Corvidology
Summary: Written for the Chocolate Box exchange.Napoleon’s boyish charm was wearing thin, particularly when it resulted in working with Angelique.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/gifts).



"Napoleon!" 

"I believe your Josephine has found you."

"If you will excuse me, gentlemen." He shook hands with Superman and the Devil, barely resisting the urge to scratch his itchy scalp before putting his Bicorne hat back on.

Angelique advanced on him, her dress and hair styled as the perfect Josephine except for her unwillingness to turn brunette, even for one night. He took her hand and bowed over it, the only way to be certain that at least one of them was weapon free. "My dear."

She leaned into him, fluttering her fan. "Where's Napoleon?"

His gesture encompassed his outfit.

She sighed heavily. "I meant the one not still in knee breeches, Kuryakin." 

"But the one who still should be." Napoleon’s boyish charm was wearing thin, particularly when it resulted in working with Angelique. 

She flipped her fan again, scanning the room for her prey. 

He could almost feel sorry for Napoleon, almost. Angelique was used to getting her way and played rough but then perhaps Napoleon liked it that way, rough. Being pinned to the bed, being taken—

“He should be punished.”

“What?” After their recent experience with Dr. Haruspex, nobody could blame him for being suspicious she might be reading his mind.

"I said Napoleon should be punished for neglecting me this long… If only he didn't look so good in tights."

"You don't really mean that, my angel." 

They both turned as Robin Hood joined them, Angelique's eyes lingering just a little too long below Napoleon’s jerkin. "Hello, darling. The boots are a very nice touch."

As she linked arms with Robin Hood, heading for the embassy lobby, he followed along behind them. She was right. Napoleon really did look good in tights. 

 

That had been his last clear thought as they'd climbed into Angelique's waiting car and the knock out gas had taken them out. 

 

When they finally came around, they were in a small locked storage room, probably in the embassy's basement judging by the sound of the party still in full swing overhead. They spent the next twenty minutes trying to find a way out before giving it up as a bad deal.

"I really thought she was on the level this time." Napoleon leaning casually against the wall like he didn't have a care in the world only increased Illya’s annoyance. 

It didn't help that his head was itching badly again. He ripped the hat and dark curly wig off his head and ran his fingers through his sweat-dampened hair. And to think he'd been amused when he'd seen the Bonaparte costume his Napoleon had picked out for him. 

_His_ Napoleon. What a joke that was. All Angelique had had to do was bat her eyelashes, utter some nonsense about information that could end the world if it fell into the wrong hands at the embassy ball and Napoleon had come running. Well, it had actually been a telephone call but with the same end result and Napoleon had definitely planned on coming. 

Napoleon had chosen the Robin Hood costume for himself but then the stupid, infuriating, handsome bastard knew how flattering the tights were to his thighs and ass and assumed it would be enough to keep Angelique mesmerized but it was only Illya he’d thrown off-balance.

"Illya—"

"Enough!"


	2. Chapter 2

Illya was angry, visibly angry, pushing him up against the wall hard enough to bruise. Somehow, he’d accomplished the impossible but he wasn’t stupid enough to pat himself on the back.

He braced for Illya striking him but something far scarier happened, Illya smiling at him like the world’s most evil and demented twelve year old. 

“Poor Napoleon. Angelique doesn’t want to play with you but I do.” Illya kissed him so hard his head struck the wall. 

He was stunned. Years before, when they'd first been teamed up he'd propositioned Illya, only a blind man wouldn't have, but Illya had laughed at his attempt at entrapment. It took a couple of missions before Illya really put his trust in him and by then he’d wanted all or nothing, so nothing it was. 

While his mind had been wandering, his leather jerkin had been pushed up under his armpits and Illya had transferred his attentions from Napoleon’s mouth to his chest, biting down hard on his left nipple. As he gasped, Illya's large hands made short work of his tights, pushing them down around Napoleon's thighs, baring his erection, his head tilting to meet Napoleon's eyes as he stepped back a little, his hands resting on Napoleon’s bared hips. 

"Don't stop now!" If Illya left him like this just to make a point he’d—

“Will you refuse to cooperate ever again with a THRUSH agent, Napoleon?” He raised one quizzical eyebrow.

He raised one of his own. “With the right persuasion all their agents, or anyone else for that matter, will get out of me in future is my name, rank and serial number.”

Illya’s hand tightened around his cock. He bit his lip, determined not to beg for it no matter what. 

“Such a pity. I am sure Angelique had such high hopes for further collaboration.” 

Illya drew his hand up the length of him and he bucked into it as Illya ground his own silk covered erection against his thigh. 

“But never mind, Napoleon. We will put our two _heads_ together and see what we can come up with.”

 

He woke up naked on the dusty floor, Illya, equally naked from the waist down draped across his back, his body protesting movement in all the right places. 

Trust Illya to have invented a brand new lubricant and have it stashed in his hat. He planned on being his guinea pig in any further field testing and now was as good a time as any to— "Illya, wake up! We're past our check-in time and April and Mark will be looking for us." 

They scrambled back into their clothing, Napoleon still pulling on his last boot as the door swung open and April entered, gun at the ready. 

"We have to get out of here, now! Waverly's waiting for us back at headquarters."

She left and they started to follow her but as his higher brain function slowly returned he grabbed at Illya's arm. 

"What are we going to tell Waverly?"

Illya showed him the inside of his hat where there was a small envelope tucked into the inner band. 

"Those are the microdots Angelique wanted?"

"Precisely. While she was leading your around by your dick I replaced the microdots she was after with fakes."

He kissed Illya briefly before striding towards the door. "Waverly's not going to have my ass for this afterall."

"No, he isn’t. It's mine from now on."

Illya patted his ass as he passed him.

It appeared he'd finally met his Waterloo but then his namesake hadn’t been able to handle Wellington any better than he had the Russians. 

And he was going to handle his Russian.


End file.
